Daddy

Well it's noon and I'm not allowed to call the doctors office for another hour or so to find out the results. I wonder if they can just tell me over the phone, or if I have to come in? I'd hate it if I couldn't come in today knowing they are there. I'll start going crazy, very fast. :(

I'm nervous about this...I don't know why. I feel like there will be bad news somehow...Like they will tell me I can't have babies, or that my body isn't going to be able to provide correctly for a baby. I don't know why, but I really do feel like it's bad news. I'll be so destroyed if they tell me I can't have children or anything like that. This is all I've wanted my entire life. When I was little, I had an imaginary daughter, not friend. She was my daughter, weird I know. But that should show you how much I want this...

Greg just left for his doctor appointment with the wicked witch of the midwest. He didn't have a headache this morning when he left, but I'm sure he will when he gets home. That woman gives me a headache. (cursing the woman under my breath)Mom bought Greg this diabetic magazine, you know the ones that are like $10, and Greg made a recipe for a bean salad out of it last night. He was so excited because it was good. Hah, I love him to bits and pieces.

Last night House was on at 8, however we were in the middle of watching Armageddon and there was no way we were going to turn it off. Can you believe Greg had never seen it? Well he did last night, and by 8 o'clock, we were all sitting here crying because of it.

I was motivated this morning to tell you the story of my Daddy. Because some things have been brought up that I'd like to vent about...

Mom and dad had me in 1988, I was three years old by the time they got married, and four by the time they had Kristine. Daddy was in the army so we moved around a lot. He wasn't in very long though, thank God. Mom and Dad split when I was 6 and I moved with my mom to live here in Michigan. It didn't last long. I threw fits, I yelled, I screamed...I was angry that she took me from my daddy. So she sent us back to live with him.

We lived with him until I was 11. We went up to see mom every summer and talked to her more than once a week. Daddy was very strict. We had to finish everything on our plates or we couldn't leave the table...ever. I spent almost 4 hours at the table one time because I was seriously full and couldn't eat anymore. We had to drink our milk or we would have to sit there until it was finished. I hate milk! So I sat there along time, every night. Until it was sitting out too long for him to make me drink it.

If we said stupid or shut up, we got our mouths washed out with soap, I started to get used to the soap taste so he used hot sauce instead for me. I loved it, but of course never let him see that. When Kristine and I would fight we'd get hit with the belt, not crazy hitting, but enough to teach a lesson. I, being the oldest, got in trouble more than Kristine. She was daddy's little girl, and I was the older sister who was supposed to watch out for her. She would mess up and blame me, and no matter what I said or how I fought, I'd get into trouble.

When we came up here for the summer to visit mom, I decided I wanted to stay. I was 11 years old at this time, and when I told daddy I didn't want to move back to Florida, he said if I don't come back he doesn't want contact with us anymore.

Daddy drinks, a lot. He's considered an alcoholic. He never beat us or treated us too unfairly, he was just strict. But for him to say that he wouldn't talk to us anymore because we wouldn't move back to Florida with him...that was the cruelest thing he could have done. For almost 5 years we didn't talk to him, didn't write him, and he didn't try to make contact.

When I was 16 I went down to Florida with Kristine to visit the rest of the family and specifically said I didn't want to see daddy...being daddy's side of the family, did they listen? No, of course not! I was dragged to see the man that had pretty much given up on me and my sister because we wanted to live with my mother. We got there and he hugged me tightly and started crying while I stood there with my hands at my sides wanting to kill my uncle for bringing me to see him.

We stayed the night there, and Daddy and I stayed up literally all night talking. I yelled and screamed and told him exactly how f*d up this whole situation was. He cried, apologized and said he'd never do anything to hurt me again. After leaving that next day and heading back to Michigan, my dad and I had a new-found relationship. We were going to try and make this work with us. We talked about everyday from that point on. Kristine, not having the talk that I did with him, was still furious, and had every right to be.

In 2008 I convinced daddy to move here to Michigan to be closer to us. He came and lived with us for a little while until he got a job and a place of his own. It only took him a month or two, it was pretty quick. The one rule was, no drinking of any kind in this house. And he followed it, we all got along. Even him and my mom, which was really REALLY weird by the way. Once he moved out, he of course got his alcohol, but that's okay. It's not under our roof. He doesn't drink when I'm at his house or anything, so it all works out.

Kristine's boyfriend had no where to go so daddy offered him a place at his house. Things were going well, Kristine was talking to daddy...not very nicely, but hey it's better than nothing. Kristine has a very bad attitude and doesn't think before she speaks, she's very disrespectful even if she's not meaning to be. So that caused a lot of problems with them. Anyway one thing Kristine specifically asked was for daddy not to let Josh drink, he's a freaking nut case when he does...I hate him when he does.

Josh's birthday was in November, it was a few days before Thanksgiving. Apparently Josh asked daddy for a bottle of alcohol for his birthday...daddy bought it. That same night Josh and Kristine were fighting on the phone and daddy butted in for some unknown reason. From there I know nothing more, than getting a phone call at around 3-4 in the morning from daddy saying he couldn't breathe because Josh hit him. Josh was put in jail for assault for 90 days.

To this day I have no idea what exactly happened, Josh said he pushed him, daddy said he hit him. Either way, daddy had cracked ribs and was in pain. Now don't get me wrong I am NOT sticking up for my dad here, he messed up. He shouldn't have given Josh alcohol, not just because Kristine asked him not to, but Josh is a minor. HOWEVER, Josh shouldn't have drank it either. And for whatever reason, the fight broke out, Josh shouldn't have hit a 50 year old man either!

Anyway, since that day in November, Kristine refuses to speak to daddy. She refuses to let him attend her graduation! He had tried to talk to her, and wants to talk to her, but she won't do it. Whatever that's fine, I don't really care! My problem is that she is always talking shit about him around me. He messed up yes, but is Josh getting this much grief from her, did he? NOPE! I forgave him for almost the same thing with Julian.

Anyway, I guess this morning Kristine was talking and said that I'm daddy's favorite. WHAT THE HELL, or course I am at the moment, she doesn't talk to him. Before that, he was trying to be fair to both of us. Now it's like he only has one daughter, so why would he not favor me instead of someone who doesn't even speak to him and who has no intention of speaking to him. He talks about her all the time, and always says he wishes she'd talk to him, but Kristine won't hear of it.

He's cut down A LOT on his drinking too since this. Which is great! He's not a bad guy, he made a bad decision that obviously Kristine is going to make him pay for for the rest of his life. Kristine has to get her prom dress this weekend and is pissed because daddy won't help with it. Yes he's her father, but if I were him, I either wouldn't help. Or I'd help, but only to help my mom so she didn't have to pay for it all on her own.

I have a lot of anger about this whole situation. He made a mistake, Josh has made way more. I have made plenty, and yet she forgives us all. Anyway, like I've said before...Kristine is difficult, she's stubborn, and there's no reasoning with her most of the time. When her mind is made up, it's made up. And apparently the way it's going is that she will never speak to him again. So here I am stuck trying to be good enough to replace the daughter that he doesn't have anymore...

Daddy is supposed to take me out tomorrow for my birthday. But I'm not sure if I'm going to go. I don't want to cause problems because he's not helping with Kristine's prom stuff but he's taking me out...ya know?

Anyway, there's another part of my dis functional life. There's more to come, don't worry. I'll write more when I find out results and about Greg's appointment.

Happy blogging.