Elijah

Elijah's birthday...I'm not quite sure how I feel today, I know I'm sad...but I also feel as if I should celebrate it a little bit. Today I would have had a beautiful baby boy! A beautiful son, a gift from God... I love him. I miss him. I have the pictures out, I'm looking at them...He was so gorgeous... He would have looked just like his daddy. I know he would have.

I'm going to post a couple pictures of him over on my other blog. I'm warning you all, because they are sad, and heart breaking...but he is my son, and he is beautiful. He deserves to be seen, loved, and known of. I feel a sense of...I don't want to say peace, but I can't think of another word, today. Like I know he's okay, I know where he is, and that he is looking down on me. I know that he loves me and misses me almost as much as I do him...

I know that Adrian is taking care of him, and will continue to do so until I can again. I know that they come to visit me, even if I can't see or feel them here sometimes. They are always around me, watching me, comforting me, loving me. I believe that it is God that is making me feel these things, making me realize that while they may not be here, they are not gone. They will always be around me in one way or another. They still visit and watch over me.

It doesn't make this day hurt me any less, and it doesn't make me miss either of them any less. But it comforts me to know that they are around me. And maybe even here with me today. I am going to light a candle for my sweet Elijah today, and I am going to tell him that I love him so very much and that I can't wait until the day that I get to hold his gorgeous little body in my arms.

I'm going to post a picture of him, a picture of his feet, a picture of his hands, and maybe one other. So if you do not want to see it, please don't look...If you do, you'll understand my pain once you see...

I love my children, and I live for the day that I can hold them again.

Happy Birthday my sweet Elijah, and Adrian take care of him!

Mommy loves you both!!