Today

I'm feeling a lot calmer today. I kept myself from flipping out on Cyara again yesterday. It was partly me and partly her that refrained from continuing the fight. She came in and apologized and I did as well. Then later on in the day she pissed me off again but instead of me freaking out on her and her giving a huge amount of attitude we both let it drop and we were fine a few minutes later.

I can't keep letting myself get that stressed and pissed off. I have another doctor appointment tomorrow, I can't wait to see my little guy again. I keep feeling him fluttering around in there. I just sneezed like twice and then I felt him move around like I scared him. lol Yesterday I felt his foot or elbow or something, I don't know what it was but I felt it on my belly. It was silly.

I have class today, I have to take my timed practice tests. However, if Scott isn't here by 3:30 I'm not going because I have 5 tests to take and I want to get them all done in 4 hours, not split them in half. I only have to go once a week now and I don't want to have to go twice this week just to finish work. So I hope he gets ahold of me and lets me know what's going on before he comes.

Greg joined the Mens Basketball League. It starts this Wednesday and continues for the next however many Wednesdays. He used to play basketball all the time so I'm glad he's getting back into it. But now I won't see him Wednesdays for sure, not to mention the days he works or has a bunch of homework. Plus in about a month or so I will have a bunch of homework as well. It's going to get much harder to spend time together, but it will all pay off in the long run right??

I watched Boardwalk Empire last night, it was a good show. It takes the place of True Blood on Sundays on HBO. But come next Sunday Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters is on so I'll have to watch Boardwalk Empire online the next day. House comes on tonight. YAY!!!! Season premieres all week. Then at 10 Weeds comes on and then The Big C on showtime. :) It'll be a great night!!

Anyway, I guess I will go study for a little while. Brush up on some Math for my tests today. Wish me luck

Happy Blogging!!

Too much stress

Okay I understand that I over-react more so now that I'm pregnant. But Cyara is seriously and honestly the most lazy disrespectful asshole of a child I have come across!!!! I ask her to do simple things and she stares at me blankly with a look like go fuck yourself or she'll be a sarcastic little bitch about it all.

This is the second time in a week that I have gotten into a HUGE fight with her, which she then involves mom and I GET YELLED AT not her!!!!!

Today I asked her earlier to grab me the USB and she stared at me and didn't say a word, didn't say no, forget it, no way, or anything. Just stared. So I got pissed and got it myself, mom even said it was rude!! Then about 30 minutes ago we got home from radio shack and when we walked in a bunch of bugs flew in and flocked to the tv where the two cats were trying to swat and kill them.

So I asked her to kill them really quick because I had to pee. She walked over there killed one and walked away, when there were still like four more sitting there. So I asked her to go back and do it again before the cats knocked the tv over and she threw a HUGE FREAKING fit about it and started acting like a 2 year old.

I'm sorry but when a 14 yr old little brat acts like shes 2 years old because I asked her to do one small simple thing, it's going to piss me off!! I walked over there and killed the bugs myself and then walked up to her and called her a little bitch and granted I was in her face but what she did next was bullshit! She may not have meant to but she did it, she hit me in the stomach and then started crying like I fucking hit her!!!!!

Mom came running out and she told mom that I tried hitting her! So mom came barreling at me yelling and screaming saying if I'm so unhappy and stressed here I should move out.

I may have over reacted but Cyara pushes me!!!! She knows I have a short temper and she does it on purpose! My mom is now pretty much kicking me out because of her! She's so disrespectful and rude and I fucking can't stand her! Her attitude and disrespect is just as bad if not WORSE in some ways then Kristine. I don't want to be anywhere near Cyara.

I'm going to stay in my room for the duration of my pregnancy, that's the only way I can see me not being as stressed and angry and upset as she keeps making me. I want nothing to do with her, I can't handle it!!!!

I just pray that all the stress and everything so far has done nothing to the baby! I will never forgive her or myself for it if something happens to him...seriously!

Worries and Concerns

I've been working on my GED online. I passed my practice essay and writing test with a 640, you need to have a 450. So needless to say I won't have any problems there. Come Monday I'm going to go and take all of the timed tests and then I won't have to go back to the school until the 28th and 29th to take my tests. I'll continue to work online though, it doesn't hurt to have more information in my head than I need to.

I decided just to go to school for a kindergarten teacher, it seems like the best choice. I love children and they love me, I great with children and I have patience (with children, not adults) like a saint. lol After I get out of school for that I might still take some classes for nursing but at this moment the wise decision seems to be the easy one. And I won't mind being a teacher.

I'm watching "Birth Day" on Discovery Health and every time a person gives birth I can't help but pray out loud that God won't take this baby from us. I try to stay positive, thinking that God couldn't possibly take this baby away from us, especially since it's so close to when we lost Elijah. But I still have that doubt, that worry, that fear in the back of my mind. I can't imagine that happening again.

We deserve to be parents, we will be good parents, and my mother will be a great grandmother. God I pray we get to keep this baby!!

I'll be 4 months pregnant tomorrow, I feel him moving now, and I know he can hear me. We need this little guy in our lives.

Disapointment....

The past few weeks I have been thinking about becoming a nurse. I've been watching Discovery Health lately and I have really enjoyed it all. I'm fascinated by the body and mind and how they work, or do not work. I want to help people....

I asked Mom, Kristine, and Greg and each one of them said I could not handle it. Not the school and study part of it but the actual nurse work itself. Mom keeps saying what if someone throws up or you have to clean up diarrhea, blah blah blah. I've cleaned up human throw up and diarrhea before, it was disgusting but I did it.

Greg said I couldn't because of pretty much the same reasons and Kristine just straight out said NO YOU CAN'T and pretty much laughed at me because I thought I could. It's quite upsetting to know that people don't think I could do something I'd like to do.

Maybe everyone is right....I don't know I guess I'll stick to being a teacher, I know I can do that....

I'm pretty down and upset now....

Quick entry

It's almost 9 AM, and I'm sitting here sipping the last bits of my coffee waiting for 10 to come around. I am going to the courthouse with Julian and his girlfriend Michelle. They are so funny together, she's so mean to him I actually start to feel bad for him. Only a little bit though.

The last time we all went to the court house Greg was with us so it was kind of evened out, this time I'm kind of the third wheel, which is strange since he's actually my husband. LOL Weird feeling man!!

I don't mind hanging out with them though, like I said they are funny.

I passed the math part on the practice GED test, I got a 530. It's not the best but it's higher than the 450 you MUST have. :) YAY ME! I passed all of them with some to spare, so come the 28th and 29th I should be able to pass the real test. WISH ME LUCK!!!!

I'm going to class today to write my practice essay that's the only thing I haven't done yet. Even if I get the worst grade on it I'll still pass because of my multiple choice test that I passed. Hopefully I don't have to go back there until the days of the test.

I'm almost 4 months pregnant, that's only 2 months from when I lost Elijah.... It makes me nervous, but I'm going to stay positive about it. The power of positive thinking should keep things rolling along, right!? I had an ultrasound yesterday. I saw his little butt cheeks and his little boy parts as well. I'll post the picture even though it is VERY confusing to look at. I also have another appointment on Tuesday so I'll have better pictures then. :)

Well, I should finish up my coffee and get ready to leave. It's 9 to 9 now.

Happy Blogging all!! :)

Frustrated!!

I started taking classes to get my GED, I think I told you all that already though. I just realized that even when I get my GED I can't go to college like I want. I don't drive so I don't have a way to get to school. I'm so upset about it!! I could technically take online classes but I have been told and also googled that a degree from online schools is not always accepted as an actual degree.

If I can't go to school why in the hell am I fighting so hard to get my GED. I'm very upset about this, I was so excited to do this and start my education. Apparently that is not going to happen though.... I hate this!!

I'm very discouraged about this whole situation now, I don't even want to go to class today because of it.

GAH!!

quick update

I went to a class yesterday where I took a placement test for the GED and was told all I need to work on is my math. So today I am taking all of the practice GED tests to see what parts of the math I need to work on. By September 28th and 29th I will have taken the GED test and will be applying to an online college. :) I'm very exciting.

32 days of NO SMOKING by the way. :) I'm very proud of myself for that!!

I have an ultra-sound on Tuesday so I will be sure to post those pictures as soon as I get home. :)

I don't have that much else to say at the moment because my brain is tired lol and I have to go back today and tomorrow. Monday through Thursday. :)

Happy Blogging!!